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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29218599">By Human Customs</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/vicious_dandelions/pseuds/vicious_dandelions'>vicious_dandelions</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Accidental Marriage, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Creature Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Fluff, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia Has Feelings, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia Is Not a Witcher, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia is a Mess, Human Jaskier | Dandelion, Idiots in Love, Jaskier | Dandelion is a Mess, M/M, Memes, Selkie Geralt, Shy Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, everyone is a mess, i'm only a little sorry, nothing but fluff, they are my source of inspiration</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 00:54:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,669</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29218599</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/vicious_dandelions/pseuds/vicious_dandelions</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"is that an engagement ring?"</i>
</p><p> </p><p>  <i>"I thought we should be married by human customs too."</i></p><p>or the one where Jaskier accidentally marries his incredibly gorgeous coworker, who also happens to be a selkie.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aiden/Lambert (The Witcher), Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion, Triss Merigold/Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>175</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>By Human Customs</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I'm only partially responsible for this one - please enjoy the mindless fluff ahead!<br/>Also, much thanks to <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/hellstrider/pseuds/hellstrider">hellstrider</a> for being an amazing writer and heavily influencing the style I went with for this one. Be sure to check them out!<br/><a href="https://imgur.com/a/hZYVIB9">Find the inspiration post here</a></p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Triss, I think I might have finally cracked,"</p><p>and</p><p>"Can you come over?"</p><p>and</p><p>"It's an emergency."</p><p>Because it was a <strike> funny </strike> strange story and not the kind of thing Jaskier supposed you were even supposed to tell your bestest friend in the whole wide world,</p><p>but</p><p>he was panicking</p><p>and Triss always knew just what to do</p><p>and she brought wine </p><p>and</p><p>"I think I accidentally married Geralt?"</p><p>*      *     *</p><p>Two far-too-quickly consumed glasses of wine and a third in hand, Jaskier started over from the beginning.</p><p>Geralt, who was his painfully shy or possibly incredibly antisocial coworker.</p><p>Geralt, who Jaskier had been politely ogling from a distance.</p><p>Geralt, who had a stunning fur coat that he was never without, even during the summer, </p><p>and</p><p>“It matches his hair, Triss!”</p><p>and</p><p>he took obvious care of said coat,</p><p>but it had fallen off the back of his office chair</p><p>and he hadn’t noticed. </p><p>So Jaskier had done what any polite coworker in his shoes would have,</p><p><em> he picked it up and put it back on the chair </em>with “oops, looks like you dropped your coat!”</p><p>and</p><p>Geralt had looked ready to bolt from the office. </p><p>“And then what, he got you drunk and eloped with you out of gratitude?” Triss asked, trying to connect the dots of how Jaskier finally saying words to his crush of more than a year led to him panicked, drinking, and apparently married. </p><p>Jaskier shook his head, taking another gulp of his half-drained third glass of wine. Triss eyed her own nearly empty first glass and wondered how much she was going to need a second one.</p><p>“And nothing came of it. I was sure I scared him off, until today,” when Geralt, shy, sweet Geralt, had asked him out for dinner.</p><p>It should have been lovely</p><p>but</p><p>Geralt had been nervous</p><p>so Jaskier tried complementing his coat to get him talking about something obviously important to him</p><p>and that had backfired in the most mind-blowing way possible</p><p>and</p><p>“really Triss I think I might be nuts”</p><p>because</p><p>Geralt had gotten even more flustered, and if he’d had a more sophisticated plan it had clearly flown out the window with his ability to take a compliment. He’d simply slid an all-too-familiar little box across the table.</p><p>and</p><p>“is this an engagement ring?”</p><p>and</p><p>“I thought we should get married by human customs too.”</p><p>Sudden clarity dawned on Triss like the sun on a new day and she understood then why sweet, sheltered Jaskier was in such a panic. “Geralt’s a selkie.”</p><p>It was enough to draw a very tipsy and possibly well on his way to drunk Jaskier, who was by then onto his fourth glass of wine, to a stop in his panic. “How did you know?”</p><p>“I’m a witch, Jas.”</p><p>“But I thought you meant in the whole ‘spell jars and tea and general cottage-core’ way not the ‘myths are not actually myths’ way!”</p><p>Triss deftly plucked the near-empty wine glass from her drunk friend’s hand with a muttered, “you’re an idiot,” and chased him off to bed with the skill of someone who’d been doing it since high school. </p><p>*      *     *</p><p>Jaskier woke with a blistering headache that quickly did away with the futile hope that it had all been a dream. </p><p>So did Triss’ note taped to the coffeepot that he was out of coffee and she was fetching breakfast. </p><p>So did the text from<em> hot cubicle neighbor </em> that simply read, “Take all the time you need.” </p><p>Which was entirely unfair because <em> what was he supposed to say to that? </em></p><p>but</p><p>his door slammed open</p><p>and</p><p>“you’re not Triss”</p><p>and he was fairly certain that Death herself had come for him</p><p>that is,</p><p>if death was a terrifyingly furious woman dressed in black with flashing violet eyes who seemed to match the description of Triss’ mysterious girlfriend</p><p>and</p><p>“Yenna, please don’t kill my best friend, I <em> like </em> having him around.”</p><p>Triss had followed the blazing personification of death – who apparently was the mysterious girlfriend if <em> Yenna </em> was anything to go by – in, with a hefty box cradled in her arms, on top of which was perched the only thing Jaskier and his throbbing head could think to care about for the next minutes: coffee.</p><p>The scary death girlfriend apparently had some semblance of mercy, but the moment his cup was empty,</p><p>“You’re an ignorant fool,”</p><p>and</p><p>“Do you even know what you’ve done?”</p><p>Any answer Jaskier would have attempted to provide was apparently not good enough because Yennefer – who Triss had taken the time to introduce – barreled on in a barrage of information on exactly how badly he’d fucked up.</p><p>“In my defense,” Jaskier said, weakly, “Witches and magic and elves and fairies and selkies <em> don’t exist. </em>”</p><p>“That you can say so is a pretty mark of your noble privilege.”</p><p>And so, the lecture continued.</p><p>“This cannot be undone,”</p><p>and</p><p>“he is permanently bound to you,”</p><p>and</p><p>“you’re going to read every book in that box and you’re going to <em> try </em>, Jaskier, or so help me Melitele I will turn you into an ugly little toad.”</p><p>Yennefer was just terrifying enough that Jaskier didn’t bother to question whether she could actually follow through on her threat or not.</p><p>Three hours after he woke up for his unexpected crash course in all things mythical, Jaskier sent of a text under the watchful violet eyes of Yennefer.</p><p>“If we’re going to do this by human customs, I’d like to try going on a few dates first.”</p><p>*      *     *</p><p>Which is how, a week and many awkward encounters at work later, Jaskier wound up sitting in the booth opposite Geralt in a tiny diner he’d never heard of but was, according to Yen, Geralt’s favorite restaurant.</p><p>The first words out of Geralt’s mouth after they were settled with menus were, “You seem uncomfortable.”</p><p>
  <em> Fuck. </em>
</p><p>But,</p><p>“I don’t know much about you,”</p><p>and</p><p>“selkies either,”</p><p>and</p><p>“I’m trying to wait until it’s polite to start asking the million questions I have.”</p><p>It seemed to be the right response because Geralt answered with a rueful sort of smile and <em> oh </em>, if he was gorgeous before, even the slightest semblance of a smile was like a curtain being drawn back to reveal him in a whole new light.</p><p>“It wouldn’t be fair of me to make you wait, as I seem to have gone about this all backwards.”</p><p>And Jaskier found himself laughing because they’d both made such a mess of the situation.</p><p>Conversation flowed easily from there, covering anything from favorite foods to how they both wound up in the same job to family relations.</p><p>Geralt was quiet, but Jaskier had known that already having exchanged approximately zero words with him at work before he bound them together.</p><p>But he was also <em> funny </em>,</p><p>and the words he did speak held <em> weight </em>,</p><p>and he was oh-so-careful with them in a way that was opposite to everything Jaskier had grown up with.</p><p>It was everything their first date should have been, and they parted ways with a plan for another date the following weekend.</p><p>Encounters smoothed out between them at work,</p><p>they started texting regularly,</p><p>the books Yen insisted Jaskier read were actually rather insightful.</p><p>By the time the weekend rolled around again Jaskier was more excited than nervous, and the late fall chill in the air had him glad that they’d chosen a coffee date.</p><p>He greeted Geralt with a hug,</p><p>and</p><p><em> oh </em> how those amber eyes went wide with shock.</p><p>It was adorable.</p><p>They played board games over coffee and talked and talked and <em> talked. </em></p><p>Jaskier learned that Geralt had a strong competitive streak,</p><p>Geralt learned that Jaskier was a musician at heart.</p><p> </p><p>“So you play?” He’d asked.</p><p>Jaskier shrugged.</p><p>“I do gigs when I have the time,”</p><p>and</p><p>“my parents hate it,”</p><p>and</p><p>“I haven’t had much of a chance, lately.”</p><p>But when Jaskier got home, he couldn’t resist the urge to pull out his too-dusty journal and write and write and <em> write </em> like he hadn’t since he first fancied himself in love in college.</p><p>*      *     *</p><p>It was their fourth date that Jaskier finally worked up the courage to do as he’d wanted to since he first laid eyes on Geralt at work.</p><p>They were ice skating. With Yule just around the corner and wintery weather setting in, all the festive activities were open and Jaskier was not going to miss the opportunity to take part in them with a significant other.</p><p>Except,</p><p>while Geralt was practically a natural on the ice – “Ciri insists on coming every year,” – Jaskier couldn’t seem to keep his feet underneath himself</p><p>and he fell</p><p>as Geralt skated circles around him, the showoff</p><p>and he tried to glare</p><p>but</p><p>Geralt was smiling, and then they were both laughing</p><p>and</p><p>Geralt helped him up</p><p>and</p><p>they were so <em> close </em></p><p>and</p><p>“can I kiss you?”</p><p>and</p><p>“yes”</p><p>It was possibly the most romantic moment of Jaskier’s life, and he had quite a lot to compare to with the way he fell in and out of love so easily.</p><p>And yet, this was different.</p><p>“Come meet my family, for Yule.” Geralt asked, still holding Jaskier close.</p><p>And what could he say but, “yes.”</p><p>*      *     *</p><p>Whatever Jaskier was expecting when he followed Geralt in through the front door of what was practically a small manor of a house, it was not a snarling, snapping, and very large black wolf who seemed ready to take off his head. He’d hoped to make a good impression on Geralt’s family, but it seemed he was already off to a bad start.</p><p>“Lambert, enough!” Geralt snapped,</p><p>but</p><p>Lambert the wolf made to lunge at Jaskier</p><p>and</p><p>very suddenly between Jaskier and Lambert the wolf was an equally as angry white wolf that could only be Geralt</p><p>and</p><p>a hand that was definitely not Geralt’s tugged him out of the entryway where the two wolves seemed to be trying to kill each other</p><p>and</p><p>“Best to just let them sort themselves out.”</p><p>Jaskier both couldn’t tear his eyes away from the snarling blur of black and white and couldn’t bear to watch,</p><p>but</p><p>“They won’t do any real damage, don’t worry,”</p><p>and</p><p>“let me introduce you to everyone since Geralt’s too busy defending your honor.”</p><p>The hand that pulled him out of the entryway apparently belonged to Lambert’s partner Aiden, who was as human as Jaskier. They had a laugh together over the chaos of being a human bound to a selkie, and it put Jaskier a little more at ease.</p><p>Everyone else seemed to be gathered in the kitchen, where Jas was quickly put to work by Vesemir, who also assured him that his sons wouldn’t seriously injure each other or the house if they knew what was good for them.</p><p>And if he raised his voice loud enough to be heard over the continued growling, well, Jaskier wasn’t going to point it out.</p><p>Eskel, on the other hand, bared his teeth in an almost feral grin. “Ten bucks says they’ll be running laps before dinner and repairing the walls tomorrow.”</p><p> “That hardly sounds like a fair bet.” Jaskier offered, and Aiden laughed in agreement.</p><p>Now, Jaskier was expecting the shovel talk,</p><p>but</p><p>he wasn’t expecting it within the first hour of him being there</p><p>and</p><p>he certainly wasn’t expecting it from the bubbly little nine year old that he’d heard so much about.</p><p>It went something like,</p><p>“Hey Jaskier, I wanna show you my collection of horse figurines!”</p><p>and</p><p>“Dad was really upset when you said you needed time to think, because everyone knows what that means.”</p><p>and</p><p>“If you ever make him sulk like that again you should know that I know where Uncle Lambert keeps his knives and I’ve memorized your address from Dad’s phone.”</p><p>It was very effective and possibly the most terrifying threat he’d ever received, and that was saying something since he was regularly threatened with homelessness as a teenager. </p><p>Geralt, of course, only showed up after all the threats were made and Ciri was <em> actually </em> showing him her very impressive horse figurine collection.</p><p>Apparently, they were all named Roach.</p><p>“After the bug?”</p><p>“The fish, silly!”</p><p>Because that was obviously better and made so much more sense. </p><p>Jaskier wisely didn’t question it.</p><p>“Vesemir says he needs you to taste test the brownie batter,” Geralt told Ciri, an unmistakable fondness in his eyes as he watched his daughter scamper out of the play room.</p><p>Jaskier couldn’t help but look Geralt - who was in a different set of clothing and had damp hair presumably from a shower - over for any injuries.</p><p>He didn’t find any.</p><p>Geralt noticed despite his efforts to be discreet, and tugged him into an embrace.</p><p>“I’m fine,”</p><p>and</p><p>“Lambert was just being… Lambert,”</p><p>and</p><p>“He promises not to try to bite you again.”</p><p>Not having Lambert lunging for his throat made dinner an altogether more pleasant affair, even if he did stand by his defence that he “just wanted to see what the new squishy human is made of.”</p><p>He didn’t take Jaskier up on the gleeful offer to show him what he was made of.</p><p>Jaskier couldn’t even be a little disappointed about it, what with the way Geralt was practically radiating contentment.</p><p>It was the happiest Yule dinner Jaskier had ever attended.</p><p>Except,</p><p>dessert was interrupted by the electricity flickering, which was quickly followed by a deafening roll of thunder</p><p>and</p><p>“it’ll get dangerous out there, fast,”</p><p>and</p><p>“stay,”</p><p>and</p><p>“let me keep you safe.”</p><p>And how could Jaskier say no to that?</p><p>Somehow, the unexpected winter storm didn’t put a damper on the evening.</p><p>Not even when the power went out.</p><p>They had a warm fireplace and more candles than Jaskier really thought reasonable for the number of people in the house, but he wasn’t about to complain.</p><p>Not even when the chill started to seep through the walls.</p><p>They all gathered into the livingroom and Ciri excitedly roped him into helping her design and build the fort they’d stay in for the night. </p><p>And certainly not when he lay cozied up next to the furnace that was his partner.</p><p>*      *     *</p><p>It was nearly a year after Jaskier made what could possibly have been the best mistake of his life by picking up Geralt’s coat and he was probably more nervous than he’d been for the date following Geralt’s disastrous proposal.</p><p>His thumb skimmed over the box in his pocket as he bounced on the balls of his feet</p><p>and</p><p>“There you are!”</p><p>and </p><p>“Isn’t this where we had our first date?”</p><p>and</p><p>“Maybe.”</p><p>Seeing Geralt sent all his worries scattering. Because seeing him there meant remembering every good moment they’d had in the year they’d been together. </p><p>Like</p><p>Yule, and playing in the snow with three rambunctious wolves, Ciri, and Aiden the morning after the storm.</p><p>Or</p><p>When Jaskier got sick after from being out in the wet and cold too long and Geralt had gotten the key to his apartment from Triss so that he could take care of him.</p><p>Or</p><p>When Geralt showed up to one of his gigs where he played a soft ballad he’d written for Geralt and they’d spent the night in each other’s arms.</p><p>Or</p><p>When Jaskier’s mother contacted him for the first time in years to tell him that his father had passed of a stroke, and Geralt had taken time off work to be with him through every step of the process from dealing with his mother’s continued disapproval to hours spent with lawyers to the renouncing of the title he never wanted to begin with.</p><p>It was the last one, only a matter of months before, that Jaskier <em> knew </em>.</p><p>This was it for him. </p><p>And so, once they were seated, not even waiting for food because Geralt hadn’t either on their first date, Jaskier simply pushed an all too familiar little box across the table</p><p>and</p><p>“Is this an engagement ring?”</p><p>and</p><p>“I thought we should get married by human customs too”</p><p>and</p><p>“Yes”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Should I be working on my current WIP? Yes. But I couldn't help it and I had to get this one out. As always, comments and kudos are appreciated!<br/>- Dandelion</p></blockquote></div></div>
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